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Tuesday, December 26, 2006
(2:27 PM) | Stephen:
Meme Doesn't Really Have This Definition

Cool! I’ve been memed!

Ok, five things about me, one of which is not true:

1. Shortly after I turned 8, I began to have trouble with my motor skills – writing, using utensils, holding objects, and finally even walking. I wasn’t paralyzed, I just couldn’t control any muscle movements. I spent a week in a hospital in El Paso undergoing a multitude of tests. They never really figured out what was wrong. They sent me home, and I slowly began to establish control over my own body again. I had to relearn everything - crawling, then standing up by myself, walking, feeding and bathing myself. My best friend George used to crawl around with me at my house so I wouldn't feel bad. I missed 3/4 of my 3rd grade year, and still don't know how I passed.

2. I have been in the Atlantic, Pacific (off North America and Asia), Caribbean, Gulf of Mexico, Yellow Sea and the Sea of Japan. I have also been in Lake Michigan, the Great Salt Lake, numerous smaller lakes, ponds, rivers and swimming pools. I do not know how to swim.

3. My nickname on my soccer team was “Atari Legs” because of the way I run. But I was fast, dammit.

4. While my wife and I lived in Korea, we toured the DMZ and the neutral “village” of Panmunjom. We knew several of the American soldiers, and one of them offered to take us on a “special” tour of the North Korean side. He said that they weren’t going to have any guards around for most of the day, and we could wander around some of their facilities if we wanted. So we walked around a bit on the North Korean side and went into a couple of the buildings. It wasn’t very interesting, just some meeting rooms and waiting areas for diplomats and guards. We were just getting ready to head back across the border when we heard a shout behind us and saw 2 North Korean soldiers running at us, with their guns in their hands. Our guide – a seargent in the US Army, II Infantry Division – said, and I quote, “Shit! Go! Go! If they catch us over here we’re fucked!” We started to run, and I could tell that we wouldn’t make it over in time. So I turned around and ran screaming at the North Korean soldiers. I managed to knock one over – mainly because they didn’t expect me to be such an idiot – and slow the other one down enough so that my wife and our friend could get back over. I got knocked around some and taken to a locked room for a few days. The US State Department, the South Korean Unification Ministry and the North Koreans all negotiated about me. Our friend was discharged from the military, avoiding a court martial only because it would have also implicated several other soldiers and officers in the practice of letting people wander around like that. I am barred from the DMZ and any nation that has an official DPRK embassy or consulate, which means I can’t ever go to India, China Russia or Japan, all countries high on my list to visit, along with quite a few others of course. And I have to get a special visa from the South Korean government and then register with the Unification Ministry whenever I travel to South Korea. I’m also barred from all US military installations there, even if I have a sponsor.

5. I have never been drunk, and have never used any illegal drug, not even marijuana. The first time that a drop of alcohol ever passed my lips, I was 29 years old. I have never used tobacco in any form.

Nicholas Beaudrot may call himself a leaf node in the blogosphere, but I beat him out, because I don't have anyone, really, to tag with this, except Chris. Hey Chris - get to it! Take 15 minutes away from your freaking granite countertops or whatever it is and answer this!

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