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Friday, June 22, 2007
(9:57 AM) | Stephen:
Leak Your Way To Less Weight

Alli has come on the market. It's the first time that a prescription weight-loss medication has been approved by the FDA for over-the-counter use. I'm usually pretty frustrated at the various rules and barriers to getting medicines, and there are quite a few medications that I think should be out from behind the counter. Albuterol, for example, is a fairly benign medication that only helps out asthmatics; it's not even very good for huffing purposes.

But there are some medicines that should stay behind the prescription wall, and Alli is certainly one of them. Just because someone is willing to live with explosive gas (mixed with feces) and orange, oily discharge doesn't necessarily mean they should be allowed to experience it, especially for such a small gain.

The above book is for sale from a special display at my local grocery store. The actual drug has yet another special display stand, very nice looking, with a telephone handset you can pick up to hear a soothing, confident voice tell you all about the many, many benefits to taking Alli.

It's not for everyone, of course. "But it is for me," people will think, the ones who have been lied to and told that they're grotesquely obese, the ones that see someone in the mirror that isn't there, the ones that do need to lose weight and think that Alli will let them continue to eat garbage and do nothing.

Notice, also, that the book gives you "no-prep, no-cook" meal options. Unless they're talking about buying bunches of pre-washed veggies & fruit, eating plain whole-wheat bread and popping some supplements, then they're just selling snake oil*. One of the best ways to lose weight is to cook, from scratch, as much as possible. Lowry's Sesame-Ginger marinade is pretty good. My sesame-ginger marinade is a lot better. I got the recipe from 2 minutes of googling, and it takes about 5 minutes to make. There's no high-fructose corn syrup, no preservatives, no artificial flavors. You can buy BBQ beef or pork already made, right in the meat department (and I don't mean from a local BBQ joint, or maybe you people that live outside KC don't get that benefit). Or you can put a hunk of meat in a pan, drench it in BBQ sauce and cook it on medium-low for a while. If you can stand the Hormel crap, it'll taste pretty good to you, trust me.

If it's processed, it's not good for you, and that goes for a bunch of so-called vegetarian, vegan and/or organic stuff too.

Take the $60 for a month of orange, oily anal discharge, the $20 for the book and get a cookbook. With the money left over go on a shopping spree for herbs and spices, the real low-calorie way to eat with a lot of flavor. Find a recipe you like, pour yourself a glass of wine or a beer (you can afford the calories now) and have fun in the kitchen.

That's the Stephen Diet Plan™. Feel free to send me some money for it.

*Orange, oily, anally-leaked snake oil, that is.

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