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Tuesday, November 06, 2007
(5:00 PM) | Stephen:
It's The B-I-B-L-E

In honor of Revs. Reps. Mike McIntyre (D-NC), Nancy Boyda (D-KS), Bobby Rush (D-IL) and James Clyburn (D-SC), who decided to take to the floor of the House of Representatives to laud, praise, edify, lift up, bless and otherwise speak well of the Christian Bible a full week before National Kiss-up to Fundamentalists Week - or whatever it's called - I thought I'd post some of my favorite verses from it:

First up is Psalm 137:
7 O Lord, remember what the Edomites did
on the day the armies of Babylon captured Jerusalem.
“Destroy it!” they yelled.
“Level it to the ground!”
8 O Babylon, you will be destroyed.
Happy is the one who pays you back
for what you have done to us.
9 Happy is the one who takes your babies
and smashes them against the rocks!
Brings a tear, doesn't it? Then there's this uplifting story that comes to us from 1 Kings 12, in which King Solomon's son, Rehoboam, is being asked just what type of king he will be:
4 “Your father was a hard master,” they said. “Lighten the harsh labor demands and heavy taxes that your father imposed on us. Then we will be your loyal subjects.”

5 Rehoboam replied, “Give me three days to think this over. Then come back for my answer.” So the people went away. . . .King Rehoboam. . .asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers. 9 “What is your advice?” he asked them. “How should I answer these people who want me to lighten the burdens imposed by my father?”

10 The young men replied, “This is what you should tell those complainers who want a lighter burden: ‘My cock is thicker than my father’s waist! 11 Yes, my father laid heavy burdens on you, but I’m going to make them even heavier! My father beat you with whips, but I will beat you with scorpions!’”

Yes, he really did say that. Oddly, though, you won't find it in any English translation and pretty much need to study ancient Hebrew - which I have done - to find it out.

And it goes on and one. Absalom rapes his father's concubines in full view of Jerusalem, King David, of course, murders one of his best generals in order to marry his wife and cover up how he raped her, and it goes on and on.

My point is not to try and degrade the Bible or portray it as an evil book. But I hate it when people, especially politicians, wax rhapsodic about their "favorite verses" and then go on to only quote 1/2 or 1/4 of a cherry-picked verse that sounds nice so long as no one remembers the context.

If National Use the Bible as a Masturbatory Aid Week really helped people to learn more about what the Bible actually says and to appreciate it because of all it contains, both positive and negative examples, then I could support that. But so long as it's just another chance for dumb politicians to demagogue and score cheap political points with bigoted, hateful constituents, then I'm going to make fun of it and pray to the very God of that Bible that such fake events become an unfortunate part of our nation's memory.

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