Tuesday, August 07, 2007
(3:30 PM) | Stephen:
Miscellany
Oklahoma's Legislature has passed a bill that declares the Watermelon the state's official vegetable. See, the strawberry is already their state fruit, so obviously they needed to. . . .find a way to honor the watermelon.
It's obvious, really. Sure, the watermelon is a fruit*, but the only other option would have been to not honor the watermelon! Unthinkable.
Why is it that we have state fruits, vegetables, insects and all that?
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Baby Einstein videos apparently don't make your kids smarter. Also, wishing on stars is a surprisingly ineffective way to accomplish anything and Abraham Lincoln and JFK don't have nearly as many connections as you have heard. People could do with a bit of expectations management.
*Don't quote watermelon.org at me and try to say that it's both. Just because something is vegetation doesn't mean it's a vegetable. If you're eating a plant's ovary, it's a fruit. And watermelons are nothing if not very big, tasty ovaries.
It's obvious, really. Sure, the watermelon is a fruit*, but the only other option would have been to not honor the watermelon! Unthinkable.
Why is it that we have state fruits, vegetables, insects and all that?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are the type of person who can't be honest with your loved ones, then have I got a product for you. It's called "My Last Letter." It gives you a chance to write down all your true feelings about everything and everyone, secure in the knowledge that you will finally let everyone know how you truly feel without any consequences. You can admit the love you carried in your heart, confess your betrayals, let the police know where the bodies are hidden, tell off bosses and family members, and they'll never be able to do anything about it!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you have an insensitive jerk of a friend or family member who died and then took the coward's way out, having an email sent to you after the funeral tell you all their secrets and true feelings? Is the pain of your husband's death made worse by a postmortem confession of a bunch of other wives? Did your recently deceased mom just tell you that your father isn't your father?
Don't live with burning anger and crushing hurt for the rest of your life! Let the jerk know exactly how you feel with Afterlife Telegrams! For only $5 per word (min. 5 words), you can have your message memorized by a terminally ill person who will personally deliver your message immediately upon death!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baby Einstein videos apparently don't make your kids smarter. Also, wishing on stars is a surprisingly ineffective way to accomplish anything and Abraham Lincoln and JFK don't have nearly as many connections as you have heard. People could do with a bit of expectations management.
*Don't quote watermelon.org at me and try to say that it's both. Just because something is vegetation doesn't mean it's a vegetable. If you're eating a plant's ovary, it's a fruit. And watermelons are nothing if not very big, tasty ovaries.
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