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Friday, August 31, 2007
(1:48 PM) | Stephen:
Senators Craig And Vitter

If you're wondering why the RNC is pushing Larry Craig to resign over a desire to have anonymous sex in an airport bathroom - which he didn't actually get to do - while not caring one bit about David Vitter's multiple instances of illegally paying women for sex in New Orleans and Washington, DC, there's a very simple reason for it.

See, Senator Craig is a homo-sexualist. That is a person who is attracted (ick!) to people (ewww!) of the same (gasp!) gender (yuck!). These homo-sexualists are terrible, horrible people who have thousands of sex partners a year, they all belong to NAMBLA and they all die of AIDS. They're gross and icky and the men act like women and the women all have facial hair and act like men and they'll cause you to get divorces and cheat on your spouse and hit your children just by existing.

Senator Vitter is another case entirely. Sure, he paid women to have sex with him. But a man's got needs, right? David Vitter is a powerful man, with powerful needs. And we all know that once a woman traps a man into a marriage, the sex and everything else fun just shuts off, right? Sure, the now-Mrs. Vitter probably let ol' Dave dress up in diapers all the time before they were married, but that wasn't going to happen after the ceremony! He had to go somewhere to get his Diaper Sex fix.

And before you think I'm just being judgmental against God's Own Party, remember that it was no real secret that Larry Craig had homo-sexualist tendencies. It's perfectly fine to be a homo-sexualist and a Republican no matter what Daddy Dobson or any of the rest of his lot says. You just have to keep it on the down-low, behind closed doors and in the closet. Homo-sexualists are great allies for Republicans, so long as they never do anything that any other Republican might find embarassing, offensive or gross.

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